Mobile Church: Your Cellular Congregation

I was wondering what would happen if in an attempt to push technology beyond the normal you could now attend “Mobile Church” a Church whose only connection was through cell phones. Sit back, and enjoy this spoof of perhaps how it might go:

[Phone Receptionist] Welcome to Mobile Church: Your Cellular Congregation. If this is your first time to call us, push “1", if you are already a member, press “2"
-Beep-
You have pushed “1". Welcome to Mobile Church: Your Cellular Congregation. Welcome to the latest in cell phone spiritual guidance and connection, all in less than one hour. If you would like to begin with just a prayer, push “1" if you would like both a prayer and a song press “2", if you would just want the sermon, press “3".
-Beep-
You have pushed “2" you wish to have a prayer and a song. If you would like a long prayer press “1" or a short prayer press “2"
-Beep-
You have pressed 2, short prayer. If you would like a traditional hymn press “1" if you would like a contemporary song press “2", if you would like a Southern Gospel Quartet, press “3", if you would like a full choir singing stately classics press “4"
-Beep-
You have pressed “2", If you would like older contemporary press “1" , if you would like the latest on the CCLI top 25 charts press “2",
-Beep-
You have pressed 1. If you would like a commercial break for an offering, press “1", if you do not want an offering, press “2"
-Beep-
You have pressed “2, no offering. For the “no offering” category you only have two choices for sermons. Press “1" if you would like a long dry sermon or press “2" if you want a long funny sermon. If you would like to reconsider the offering press “3" and get the option for the short sermon.
-Beep-
You have pressed “3" . How much would you like to give? Please punch in the amount on your phone, followed by the pound sign. -Beep--Beep--Beep- Please enter your credit or debit card number -Beep--Beep--Beep--Beep--Beep--Beep--Beep--Beep--Beep--Beep--Beep--Beep-
Thank you for your support of Mobile Church.
If you would like to start your sermon after the song press “1", if you would like to hear your sermon first, press “2".
-Beep-
You have pressed “2". I’m sorry, you no longer have enough time left to hear the sermon. However, we look forward to hearing from you next time.
Good bye and God bless.
Buzz.............[line disconnects]