Confessions....

Today has been a rough day; not because we are sick, praise God, Kathy & I are fine, Mom is being well taken care of, we have plenty of food [and TP :)], we can teach from our home, we have been able to worship online with Metairie Baptist, we have been ministered to through the prayers of students and others praying for us. I am more than grateful, I am overwhelmed with God’s grace.

Yet, after lunch, I began to cry. I recalled the great number of our students and faculty going through major trauma, loss of jobs, family members sick and some dying– so many being affected by the virus. Suddenly the feelings that I had when we were going through great stress overseas, – memories of tapped phone calls, letters opened and read before we got them, secret police taking our trash, listening to gunfire during the day and some even at night– all of these memories started coming back. We loved so many of our Nicaraguan brothers and sisters in Christ who were going through situations even worse.  Later when we couldn’t return to Nicaragua, we were transferred to Panama. Panama was such a blessing, even with the invasion and all the stress and mess that went with it. I remember thinking back then, “Oh God, how would our children survive the trauma of all we’ve been through?” During those years, the stress on our marriage, and some of our responses were less than what we had hoped; God was revealing things in our lives that were not consistent with His character and nature in us. It was convicting; it was painful.

So, here we are again. This time the entire world is shaking, trembling from a virus that no one anticipated, without a vaccine– no place to run, just shelter in. Not totally true. We can and do run to our loving Father. He watched over us for the years overseas, through countless dangers, illnesses, and most recently, Kathy’s cancer. I still grieve over so much hurt. I’m not mad at God; He did not put me on the planning committee and I can trust Him, especially when I don’t understand. I will thank and praise Him through my tears. HE is the Faithful One. When the flashbacks come again, and I have no doubt they will, I can remember how God has worked, is working, and I know will continue to work.

I pray for my students, that God would use this in their lives to build these “lion and bear” stories as monuments in their hearts of God’s faithfulness, love, mercy, and grace, just like He did in the life of David. I pray that God would use this time to draw millions to Himself. I pray for the leadership of our Seminary, our pastors, political leaders, that God would grant wisdom, that He would provide and protect His children. I thank God. And I thank you. Thank you for walking through all this as I try to process my feelings.